


Leaving

by Mister_Spock



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, Hurt!Spock, TOS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Spock/pseuds/Mister_Spock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock searches for acceptance, not realising he has already found it on the Enterprise.<br/>Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> Just a small musing I had about TOS, seeing as at the end of the 5 year mission Spock resigns and goes back to Vulcan.

Kirk isn't sure when it starts exactly. But as time wears on, there's something between them.

Spock had always been a unique member of the crew with his Vulcan heritage yet the mix of human emotions making it a little hard to judge his reactions.  
But he'd always found their partnership easy. While Spock wasn't the easiest person to get to know, Kirk's easy going nature allowed him to accept him as he was and not expect any change from the half Vulcan. 

But then he noticed a slow decrease in Spock's socialising with the crew. It wasn't sudden. It was gradual, slow and deliberate.  
It took a while for him to notice the progression of it. 

A twice weekly chess game became once a week and before long, Spock had no time at all for them.  
He still ate with the Alpha crew when it happened that they were heading there at the same time, yet he didn't involve himself much in the discussions, even when Kirk was transparent in his attempts to engage him, be it a deliberately provoking comment or a question about Vulcan nature or of Scientific interest.  
Spock would answer briefly always taking care to never be rude or abrupt. He just would not elaborate. And when he was finished, he would excuse himself while the others remained seated, enjoying one another's company. 

He wasn't the only one to notice it. 

~

They had the sort of relationship that was never easy for others to understand. 

Sometimes, in the early days, he didn't understand it himself, when he was on the verge of losing his cool and blowing his top completely. But then he started to realise Spock instigated McCoy more than was necessary, and that if he truly didn't enjoy the exchanges he would cease to take part in them. 

He noticed that Spock didn't seem to partake in their brand of banter as much or for as long any more but rather than seeing it as a bad thing, he saw it as progress- that they'd reach a point in their friendship where he and Spock didn't need to bait one another as much any more. 

That was until a incident on a planet and Spock was sent to sickbay that McCoy realised something had changed. 

Spock wasn't in danger but he had been badly hurt. Nurse Chapel was tending to him while McCoy arrived. Upon seeing his Doctor, Spock visually looked displeased. “Where is Doctor M'Benga?” he asked Chapel, ignoring the CMO. 

“Sorry, Commander, he is unavailable.” Chapel explained. 

“I've got this, Nurse,” McCoy said, nodding at her, telling her with a look to leave them too it. Once she was out of earshot, he turned back to Spock. “Problem with this, Spock?”

“I assumed the Vulcan specialist may be the one treating me.”

“This isn't that serious. Nothing I can't handle. Don't forget Spock, I have had your life in my hands more than once. Dammit, I've literally had your brain in my hands. I can certainly handle this.”

“Very well, please proceed doctor.” he encouraged and then remained silent during the rest of treatment. 

It was the first time he noticed. And eventually, he began to notice the withdrawl with others as well as himself. 

He went to speak to Kirk about it. 

~

The reconnection with his Father had been a significant moment for him. 

At first, after his Father returned to Vulcan nothing much changed. But after a while, his Mother sent a message to him, encouraged him to sent a comm to his Father on what he was doing currently. While she didn't say it, she hinted to him that his Father was proud of him. 

And so it began, he started to send messages to his Father and they did communicate more frequently, though once it started, he began to feel the shame of his human side that was developing. He had allowed the presence of the humans here to lose touch of his Vulcan way. 

He began to question his interactions with the people he considered friends. He then began to deconstruct the actions which lead to their continued friendships and began to withdraw from those actions. 

It took sometime for the humans to notice his actions, carried out slowly over time so they would be less noticeable. 

~

The five year mission was drawing to a close. 

The crew were sent communications from Starfleet for them to let them know their plans, if they were to remain in Starfleet. 

Kirk was to send the completed comm as one large file with all information retained within. He looked through his crews files, keen to see what would be ahead for them.  
Strangely enough, Spock's was one of the last to be returned. 

And then he saw that he was leaving his position and returning to Vulcan. 

~

“Spock, can I ask you something?” Kirk asked, catching his First Officer before he went into his quarters. 

“Yes, Captain.” Spock relied, patiently waiting. 

“You're returning to Vulcan.” he stated. 

“That is not a question, Captain.”

“Why?”

A look of discomfort crossed briefly across Spock's features. “That, Captain, is of no concern to you. Excuse me,” Spock said, disappearing into his quarters and leaving Kirk behind. 

~

'I am proud of the decision you have made, my son. Your Mother and I look forward to your arrival in a few days.'

Spock sighed as he read the message. 

He had lived with not being accepted his whole life. He wasn't acceptable as a Vulcan, nor a human.  
While Kirk and the others on the Enterprise accepted Spock, he needed acceptance from a Vulcan to feel as though he had achieved something.  
And he wanted his Father to be the one to realise that he was the Vulcan he should be. 

That was why he had to leave.


End file.
